Optimistic October has a certain ring to it! It brings a wry smile to my lips, as historically, the latter months of the year bring the challenge of SAD (Seasonal Adjusted Disorder - more about this in an earlier blog) which has to be carefully managed, if I want to be there to support other people! It got me to thinking, I have said it so many times before but it's all about mindset.
I had a few personal challenges in September and found myself feeling a little sorry for myself. Like so many people, over the past eighteen months, I have missed seeing friends and had begun to imagine they had forgotten all about me! You see, even seasoned, mindful living people can have blips?! It pulled me up, so I asked the four questions that I find so helpful in life: 1. Is it true? 2, Can you absolutely know that it's true? 3. How do you react when you believe that thought? 4. Who would you be without that thought? They are the four questions from Byron Katie's, 'The Work'. Definitely worth searching out.
Of course, I quickly came to the reality that these thoughts were coming from my 'monkey brain', making mischief yet again! I got in contact with a couple of longtime friends and got caught up on all the chat. I also realised that they value my friendship as much as I do theirs. The chat about shared experiences of years ago, mixed in with our current lives and plans for the future left me with a warm glow! I value the loyalty of friends.
I came home from one such visit to randomly draw the 16 Guideline card for the month of October and surprise, surprise, it was 'Loyalty'! I love how the guidelines pop up at just the right moment. I will be sharing more about loyalty throughout October.
Loyalty has the potential to:
In response to my 'blip', and in preparation for the winter ahead, I have also been refreshing and embedding my selfcare habits. More about that another time...
A Lesson Learned…
Ego: a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
Gratitude: To acknowledge and repay the kindness of others
Over the past year there have been many stories about hillwalkers needing help in some way. Although sympathetic, being a hillwalker myself, I admit there have been times when I questioned if the hillwalkers had been prepared for what they had set out to do.
Yesterday was a big lesson for me. I have been hillwalking my whole life, across the globe, not just Scotland but in the USA, Himalayas, Europe and Kenya. I have been out in ALL weathers, including extreme heat and extreme cold, but yesterday I was not prepared and I became one of the statistics. Luckily I got back to base in time to stop the whole mountain resuce team setting out but I did need the help of the police officer and rangers at the centre, as well as other hill walkers out on the hill.
Having had Sepsis, I am told that my body has less ability to cope with any external stress now, so in addition to not planning for the extreme heat yesterday, I had also not taken that into account.
Next time I read about a mountain rescue call out I will reflect on what happened to me yesterday and yet again be so thankful we have people out there who come to our rescue when we need it the most.
What an amazing few weeks I have had! As I approach my THIRD anniversary as AndBreathe123, I have been reflecting on where I have come from and where I want to go. As if the universe thought I needed a push, several opportunities came my way and I wanted to share them with you!
This weekend I began my EFT Level 3 certification. I realise not everyone will be as excited as me but this level opens up even more possibilities with the work I do and I cannot wait to get started! One of the aligning moments came when I took part in a discussion about EFT and education earlier this year and became aware of Kathryn Temple. Lo and behold a few weeks ago I saw the ad for her Level 3 course and that is who I have shared my day with today. One of the most special moments for me was learning how she integrates music into her sessions. As a musician, that struck a chord (yup, I realise what I've said!). More about this soon.
A few weeks ago I began my training for EMMETT 4 Horses with Tony Sherry. I am developing the work I do with the equine community and the EMMETT technique is another tool for the AndBreathe123 toolkit, alongside EFT, Mindfulness and Reiki. All four tools can be used with humans AND animals! Being able to work with animals and their humans is a privilege.
Why the picture of the calf? Well, I have been practising EMMETT on calves and cows too! The result has been so heartwarming! One cow (a massive Friesian) bent her whole body in towards me as I worked with her and one of the calves began to push other calves out of the way so that he could get more EMMETT! Very grateful to have friends with a dairy farm!
I intend to send updates more often. Shorter and to the point but I want to keep you up to date with what is happening and what I am offering the AndBreathe123 community. There's so much more to come!
Have a great week!
There are times in our lives when things come together and what seemed like such a difficult time begins to evolve into something better than before!
These past few months particularly have been tough. That’s why there was no blog in May. I have been ‘skiting’ (good Doric word for skating) along, ‘just’ managing (barely) to keep all the balls up in the air. Like so many, I have several titles in my life - mother, daughter, granny, friend, auntie, flute teacher, musician, sole trader, EFT practitioner, wellbeing facilitator. Juggling all these roles can be tricky. Each of them needs more attention from time to time, but over the past few months it seemed like they all needed their turn at being my ‘Number One Priority’!
I reached a dark place, and it has taken everything I have in my toolkit to climb back out. I have taken time to note what was happening before, during and after the crash, learning even more about myself along the way. We are complex creatures! The one thing that reassured me was that so many colleagues were also commenting that they had been feeling ‘out of sorts’. We all have different language and ways of expressing those dark times. Some make light of it, some go quiet and others spell it out loudly and clearly! The effect of the pandemic on all of us is not to be taken lightly and not ignored. It’s going to take time for all of us to feel completely ‘safe’ again. Even the people who say ‘I’m fine’ have been impacted more than they realise. Our amygdalas have been on overdrive.
I have noticed recently that quite a few people I know had come off social media for a period of time, in order to ‘look after their mental health’ and that is one of the first things I decided to look at. I took all social media, email and bank apps off my phone. That has cut down my screen time considerably! I do monitor how I use my laptop but have to acknowledge that I do need to be on it a lot for work. The mindless browsing during breaks is being gradually cut out completely. Some habits take time to sort?!
I have recognised for a long time that my eating habits become erratic when I go through tricky times, so I am back planning my meals better and making sure I have a good variety of food in the house. I have also signed up to an EFT programme with Peta Stapleton and Carol Look (both are worth Googling!), looking at issues around food and how it relates to so many other areas of our lives. I am looking at this programme for professional development but, honestly, it’s for me too. I’ll let you know how it goes! I’ve watched one video so far and can already look in the mirror more comfortably. Mirrors (and getting my photo taken!) are something I have avoided studiously most of my life!
Yet again, I have looked at my calendar and diary and blocked time that is ‘selfcare’ time. I am back swimming, which is something I LOVE. Sandy and I have signed up to older puppy classes, something else I have also wanted to do. I have also made sure that I have a gentle start in the morning, as often as possible. That is something that I need to keep my life balanced.
A genuine concern that ran through all of the dark time was the worry about the impact of lockdown on AndBreathe123 and the huge dent that had been made to my financial situation. I know I am not the only one. It’s been scary, hasn’t it?!
But that brings me to the turnaround!
16Guidelines permeates my life, both personally and professionally. At the beginning of every month, I randomly choose a guidelines that will permeate through everything I do for that month. For June, I picked Kindness (Kindness: To be friendly, caring and considerate). Immediately, I could feel my body relax and a feeling that ‘all would be well’ began to spread throughout my body.
We all have a slightly different understanding about what Kindness means but the 16 Guidelines handbook describes it beautifully. I invite you to read more: https://16guidelines.org/explore/browse-the-guidelines/how-we-act/kindness
The same day, a colleague recommended Katy Lesson’s podcast ‘I shouldn’t say this but… my brain crashed’ with Dr T, throughout her social media. I don’t often take time to listen to podcasts (something else I plan to change) but I did listen to this one. I recognised so much of what was discussed and would encourage you to check it out. It is powerful.
“In this episode I talk to High Performance Expert & Psychiatrist, Dr T. We start this amazing conversation with WHY - why we’re both invested in preventing burnout and helping deal with crisis’. We also talk about how we both deal with being people pleasers but the positives this has brought to both our lives. Finally, we look at how restriction, change, uncertainty and threat can impact our emotions and the profound effect the past year has had on all of us. If you want some tips about how to move on from the past year, this is the episode for you.” Katy Leeson
Over the past few days, a number of new clients have booked appointments, new contacts have been made and plans are beginning for other longterm opportunities. The sun is shining and the future is looking bright!
I cannot say just how much I appreciate being able to work face to face again. Online EFT works very well and it’s good for clients who live too far away, but I do like being in the same space. In addition to my studio in Insch, I have started back at the Urban Wellness Hub, Bridge of Don. This is such a lovely place to work, as well as a perfect place to treat myself to good quality selfcare! Urban Wellness Hub has the only float room in Scotland and I am currently counting my sleeps before my next float! If you don’t know what I’m speaking about, please click on this link: https://www.urbanwellnessfloat.co.uk/
If you are struggling right now, you are not alone.
This week, two 16 Guidelines cards dropped out when I was choosing one with a client. They were ‘Honesty’ and ‘Humility’. I chose to be honest and write with humility, as I shared my experiences over the past couple of months. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. I am fortunate to have the AndBreathe123 tools, in addition to good friends and family members who have been there to listen and give me space to reflect. Their kindness has been appreciated. I am here to share the AndBreathe123 tools, so that you can create your own toolkit. The tools are for every day, not just when the going gets tough.
If you would like to learn more about 16 Guidelines, please sign up for the Building Inner Srength: 16 Guidelines for Life, Level One course at Haddo House & Country Park on 19th & 20th June. It is a unique opportunity! If you are unable to join us, I invite you to read more about humility and honesty by clicking on the following links:
Humility – To be willing and able to learn from others.
Honesty – To act with transparency and fairness
I look forward to seeing some of you very soon!
Every month, I randomly pick a guideline, from 16 Guidelines, to focus on for the month ahead. 'Aspiration' has now been picked for March AND April! I don't think that has happened before, so I thought it was worth taking time to create a short video of the meditation on 'Aspiration from the 16 Guidelines handbook.
As we make our way out of lockdown and the strange year we have had, we have the opportunity to make positive changes in our lives. Now is the time to dream! Now is the time to move on in a more positive direction. I hope this meditation is helpful.
It’s been a tough year! (How many times have I said that this year?!) There have been so many highs and lows and at the beginning of March, I was beginning to fade a bit again. When I reached for the 16 Guidelines cards, I was really looking for inspiration and I got it! Aspiration is the guideline for March!
‘Aspiration is the profound longing for purpose and fulfillment, joy and happiness, which lies deep – and sometimes buried – in our hearts, and in the heart of every living being. It is the voice inside that urges us to use our life well and to make the best of whatever gifts and passions we possess. The way we choose to respond to that voice will determine all the choices we make in our lives.
The happiest and most contented people are usually those who have found a way to put their aspirations for self and others into practice and have thereby played an active part in creating a better world.’
16 Guidelines Handbook
16 Guidelines is a framework that can help pre-frame and re-frame situations. Getting Aspiration was exactly what I needed. It got me back on track and reminded me of why I do what I do. I’ve been working as AndBreathe123 for 2 ½ years and in the past few weeks, I feel that things are finally beginning to come together. Sharing tools to support mental health and wellbeing in others is a privilege and something I am so passionate about. It is a vocation. I want to give people what I didn’t have over the years, when my life was challenging.
I am just back from an outdoor session with teens, at Haddo Country Park. These sessions have been a highlight of mine since I began AndBreathe123, so sharing what I do with ten teenagers today was special. I’ve had to cancel the last few sessions, exactly when teenagers would have benefitted from being together in the outdoors. The wait was worth it though! They are a brilliant bunch and a credit to their families. Working together to create dens, make a rope swing, build fires, put up a hammock, make hot chocolate and, I’m not sure if I should share this or not, but they tidied up perfectly!!
I came home feeling the benefits of being in the outdoors, surrounded by trees, having taken time to appreciate the sounds of nature and socialising with such amazing young people. These sessions have a positive impact on my mental health too and that’s one of the spin offs of the job I do now!
Thank you for being part of my journey as AndBreathe123!
Please take a few moments. Consider all the people you know. Take your time!
Please focus on the person who, when you walk away from them, leaves you feeling drained, defeated, empty and/or depressed. What is it about them that makes you feel like that? Notice how you are even feeling right now, in your body and in your mind, just thinking about them.
Now please focus on that person who leaves you feeling upbeat and strong, gives you that ‘bring it on’ feeling, in fact who will have lifted you from feeling a bit down to feeling that the world is truly an amazing place, in the space of a few minutes. Notice how you feel now, as you reflect on that person.
Which person are you?
Which person would you like to be?
‘Growth Mindset’ has always been at the core of my work with young people and is now at the core of my work with adults. So many of us have become stuck in our ways, stuck in our habits and stuck where we are, all because we don’t believe we can change.
Possibly THE most amazing thing I have ever learned is that WE CAN TRAIN OUR MIND TO CHANGE OUR BRAIN!
“Picture your brain forming new connections as you meet the challenge and learn. Keep on going.”
Carol Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
The more we repeat something, the stronger the neural pathways become. It works both ways – Negative pathways can build up, just as much, but as we begin to view things positively, new neural pathways develop and get stronger. The old negative pathways then wither away because they aren’t being used, ét voila, our mind has been trained and our brain has been changed!
“You’re in charge of your mind. You can help it grow by using it in the right way.” ― Carol Dweck
When I heard the phrase ‘I can’t do that’, as a teacher and head teacher, I would always immediately add ‘yet’, with a smile on my face. Gradually the young people in school would complete the sentence with ‘yet’ themselves. Sharing tools that helped them complete the task in hand, encouraging them to keep trying and ‘do their best’, enabled them to complete the task independently and feel a huge sense of achievement. In turn, it gave them the determination to tackle other tricky tasks, as they moved through the school. Creating resilience is so important, especially just now. Not just for our children but for us.
Parents often want to protect their children from failure or from upsetting situations. Instead, it is much better to encourage children to see challenges as opportunities to learn and to be more inquisitive. If children are encouraged and supported through difficult situations, they will begin to gain in self-confidence, as they achieve success by persevering.
“The best thing parents can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.” ― Carol Dweck
At the end of a day, Carol Dweck also has some great conversation starters:
“What did you learn today? What mistake did you make that taught you something? What did you try hard at today?
Everything I have said so far, applies to adults too. It is possible to turn around difficult situations by changing our mindset. A failure is an opportunity to change how we do something. It’s an opportunity to take a completely different path. It is a perfect opportunity to learn.
I have been there and know that it is possible to change those neural pathways. It is possible to come through difficult times and find ourselves in a much better place. I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s most definitely worth it!
I am now qualified to share the tools that helped me, including Mindfulness, EFT/Tapping, 16 Guidelines and the Outdoors, so that others can benefit. Please get in touch, if you are struggling just now. Please also get in touch if life is amazing! I love to share the good times too. 😊
You may not be responsible for being down, but you must be responsible for getting up. Jesse Jackson
OMG! WHAT A YEAR?! I am not given to using the term ‘OMG’ but it’s hard to find words to describe the year we have had. I have shared that I, like most of us, have had a bit of a roller coaster of a year. So glad that I have different ‘tools’ to get me through the dark times but also glad that I have the same ‘tools’ that help me recognise when there are things to be grateful for, as well as times to celebrate. Often, when we’re on a bumpy journey, it’s easy to dismiss or not take time to notice little gems that happen along the way.
I think that this is where Mindfulness can truly make a difference. It enables us to notice that, in this moment, we are ok, we might even be smiling, we have a roof over our heads, we have food on the table, and that means we have something to be grateful for. It might not always be like that, but again, mindfulness teaches us that nothing lasts forever, things are always changing, and this too will pass.
This year has made a lot of us STOP! Many of us have been forced to re-evaluate our lives. Many have lost jobs and so many more continue to live in uncertainty, unsure if businesses, along with their jobs, will survive. As a musician, I am painfully aware of how many are unemployed, with little optimism for the near future. The Arts is only one sector, among so many, decimated by the restrictions currently in place, as we battle against the Coronavirus.
But let’s turn it around, this year has maybe given us an opportunity. I have heard of so many people saying how having to slow down has let them see how their lives had been moving at far too fast a pace. Yes, there have been many additional stresses, but we have also had time to reflect on what is truly important to us.
When I first set out on my path two years ago, as AndBreathe123, my step-mum told me that it would take five years before the business would begin to tick over comfortably. I listened, but I know that I didn’t completely take her experience and wisdom on board! Two years in and I admit it hasn’t been easy. The dark days and weeks of this year have made me look very closely at what I really want to do in my life. I have questioned every part of my life and looked deep within myself.
So, how do I want to be living my life and with whom?! At the top of my list are my grandkids and kids (in that order, so please don’t tell my kids!) and my friends. Spending time, preferably outdoors and in the hills, with those I love, is what I have missed most of all this year. I do enjoy living alone but I realise how much I rely on being able to ‘drop in’ to see people. Those informal, casual visits have not been possible this year and I have missed that social contact. As we progress through Covid, I intend to find ways of creating a more consistent social calendar (physically distanced of course). So far, that has meant that I have begun booking various friends for dog walks and beginning to explore more outdoor swimming opportunities!
I am not independently wealthy, so work must come in somewhere! Sharing my tools as AndBreathe123, is most definitely what I want to be doing. I love the interaction with people; sharing mindfulness, 16 Guidelines and working as an EFT practitioner. It takes time to build up a solid base of clients and I am in it for the long haul. My work with teenagers and adults in the outdoors, benefit me, just as much as the participants, and it is heartening to see that these sessions are beginning to be consistently booked up.
Alongside AndBreathe123, I continue to teach flute, which is something I have done for nearly 40 years now! I may also continue to have extra jobs, here and there, until AndBreathe123 IS ticking over comfortably. I feel privileged to continue encouraging and supporting others, as they explore different ways to nurture and support their mental health and wellbeing. I do appreciate your support and hope that you are also in it for the long haul!
I would love to know how this year has either changed or consolidated how you view your life.
PS I did smile when I chose 'Courage', as the guidelines for December.
'Courage: To accept responsibilities and challenges with determination and equanimity.'
16 Guidelines Handbook
Let's all be courageous as we meet the challenges of the weeks ahead. Roll on 2020!
Here we are in November already?! It’s been a typically dark, dismal, dreary November day. Leading up today, I have also felt dark, dismal and dreary, but today has seen a turnaround. The seasonal challenge of overly dark days has really affected me in the past few weeks, especially since the hour change. The curtain of darkness has pulled me down in all sorts of ways. Over the years, I have created a well stocked 'toolkit', which I use to balance out the impact of SAD (Seasonal Adjusted Disorder). However, this year, with the additional challenges of the pandemic, those strategies have not quite kept the side effects of SAD at bay. It came to a head this week, leaving me feeling that every part of my life was unsettled and I found myself focusing on the negatives, rather than the positives.
What did I do to address this slump?
16 Guidelines: 'Contentment - The art of being satisfied with who we are and what we have.
Contentment has the potential to:
A 16 Guidelines view on contentment
Contentment is a state of mind that has nothing to do with money, objects, or other people. Nor does it concern itself with how much we have, or how little. Instead, it’s about finding a point of stillness within ourselves which allows us to be quietly happy whatever our situation might be, and to be at peace with who we are.
How do we experience contentment? It can be as easy – and yet as radical – as taking a breath in, and deciding to release everything that makes us feel anxious and dissatisfied as we breathe out. Try settling deeply and quietly in a traffic jam, in the middle of an argument, or when tears are close. Let the commotion of the world simply come to rest. Is it possible to taste the experience of surrender and release?
Unless we learn to live in the moment, and to accept it as it is, we may never function well or feel fully alive. Contentment releases us from the restless desires that drive us blindly forward, and which prevent us from being open to the needs and gifts of others. It frees us up to direct our energy in fresh and more conscious ways. Can we discover how to enjoy contentment despite the hurry and worry of our contemporary existence?
Covid-19 continues to make a big impact in our lives. After the initial few weeks, back in March, I began to see it as a real opportunity to work on the business, as well as me! When have we ever had time like this to take stock and consider how we are living our lives? I fully appreciate that lockdown has been different for everyone, particularly key workers in hospitals and care homes, as well as family members caring for fragile, vulnerable loved ones. For a lot of us though, we have had extra time to contemplate these things. We will have all chosen to spend that time differently and I appreciate that too. Living on my own, I have had moments of loneliness, usually when I’m tired. However, I have spent more time in the garden, I’ve taken part in a variety of events online and in recent weeks, welcomed a new four-footed friend into my life.
June was a whirl! I love the lighter nights in June and now that Sandy has come into my life, I am back enjoying extremely late-night walks with no torch! Having a dog, makes me whole again. I admit it was quite lonely and isolating at the beginning of lockdown but having another ‘being’ in the house makes such a difference to my day! Sandy has had an adventurous life already, starting out on the streets of Spain, before travelling to the Scottish Highlands in October, 2019. She is 2 ½yrs old and has now found her forever home, here with me. Such a lovely, gently temperament and so good with my grandkids. I have started to document and share our journey together on social media and here, on the AndBreathe website.
Last week, was World Unity Week, when people from all over the world came together to share their dreams, thoughts, research and plans for the way forward for all things linked to ‘World Unity’. Topics ranged from racism, to looking after the water in our planet, to Covid-19 and lots more in between. It was a privilege to sit and listen to the speakers and to also take part in discussions.
Global Organizations Converge to Declare World UNITY Week
Over the past few months, I have also taken part in a Talking Circle Leadership programme, which has been led by Chief Phil Lane Jr, who was also very much involved with WUW. We can all learn so much from the indigenous ways, and although I have been involved with a talking circle for many years, I now look forward to sharing more about ‘Talking Circles’ in our local communities and online, with increased understanding and clarity.
The Covid-19 pandemic has brought about many challenges, but I think there have been positives too. The sense of community has never been stronger, with people stepping up to look after the vulnerable and elderly. I have been aware of more people acknowledging the ups and downs of their mental health, schools have spoken about the importance of supporting the mental health of staff and pupils and businesses have been looking for ways to support their staff through these tricky times.
This is where I think talking circles can be introduced to our communities. A talking circle is a safe, confidential space where people can share how they feel and what they think, without being judged or without anyone trying to ‘fix’ them. It is simply a space to share thoughts, emotions and ideas, without being interrupted. There are guiding principles (rules) that are shared and agreed on at the beginning of every circle.
By now, you might be gathering that it has been a bit busy! I have also been looking at how to work more efficiently and that involved taking part in ‘Unleashing Your Workload Warrior’ bootcamp! If you are interested in becoming more efficient in whatever you are doing, then check this group out on FB. I highly recommend it! Supportive, lovely people. I have felt a load lift from my shoulders, since putting what I learnt into practice.
I also attended a webinar with the title ‘Why?’ In this session we learned about Simon Sinek’s ‘Golden Circle’ and ‘What? How? Why?’ I won’t go through all the details but the main message was that we usually know what we do and how we do it, but do we always know WHY? For example, I work as AndBreathe. I know what I do and how I do it but WHY? When a business knows, understands, and shares its ‘WHY’, people are more inclined to be drawn to whatever it is that that business provides. There is a process to work it all out and I am currently doing that. I wonder if people notice a change in what I say or do? I think I have always been aware of my ‘Why’ but not appreciated the importance or significance of it.
I share some of what I have been doing in June, so that if any of it interests you, you can go away and find out more! I plan to be outside for the majority of July, away from screens, facilitating Outdoor Wellbeing sessions at Haddo House & Country Park. I am looking forward to it!
Thank you for reading this far! AndBreathe... is a very exciting venture and I am glad you have joined me on the journey!